Recently, I’ve been feeling a little under the weather, demotivated, a bit ‘meh’ in general, and I really have let feeling rundown get to me mentally. Despite Fibromyalgia not bothering me too much in my everyday life these days (believe me, there was a time when it was much worse, many years ago), I still get flare ups of feeling tired with pretty non-specific flu-like symptoms…you know, just feeling kinda pants. And it gets to me. There’s nothing worse than feeling completely devoid of energy, of life, of purpose. And when you’ve got some pretty rubbish physical symptoms like muscle pain, aches and headaches, it makes for a really miserable time…especially when there’s nothing you can do but wait it out and hope it passes.
Luckily it doesn’t affect me as frequently as it used to. Maybe my lifestyle has changed enough to benefit my health (more exercise, being mindful of my eating, reducing stress) or I’ve been suffering with the lingering effects of glandular fever for years rather ‘officially’ fibromyalgia. Whatever the reason, I don’t feel as bad as I used to – my diagnosis (or rather, ruling out of everything else) was almost 10 years ago now. It feels like a lifetime ago, and that period of my life seems like it belongs to a different person. But I’m constantly reminded of how frustrated I was with feeling rubbish, every time a flare up of old symptoms occurs and it takes me back to that life.
As hard as it is not to let it get to me, there’s nothing I want to do more than mope and feel sorry for myself. It takes summoning any remaining energy not to let myself get in that state of mind. I know that feeling like this will pass and I have to be mentally strong, taking comfort in the little things in life and focusing on feeling better. I think once you start wanting to see the beauty in life, the magic in just being alive, your whole perspective shifts. I often look up to the sky and realise just how amazing it is that we’re here, living life, with dreams and hopes and passions. I’m reminded of that quote about how we’re all stardust, and that seems pretty magical to me – how we’re here, going about our daily business, planning, laughing, working, cooking, creating art, philosophising, dreaming, loving, hoping…and yet, we’re all just stardust from the universe, leftover from stars that died long before we ever lived. Mind blowing.
And that’s enough to make me feel grateful. Grateful to be alive, grateful to be in this place and time, with the people I love. Grateful to have a body that works, despite feeling tired sometimes. Grateful for a home and family. Grateful for food to fill my belly. Grateful for a job that allows me to earn money for my home, food, bills. Grateful to for the freedom to say what I think and to do things that make me happy. The more gratitude I have, the more amazing I feel life is. So despite feeling unwell temporarily, I feel happy to be here, now – that somehow enough cosmic dust came together to allow me this human experience, and that’s pretty incredible.
“We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains, 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names” – Nikita Gill